Starring: Vladimir Maksic, Ulli Lommel, Peter Beckman, Todd Jensen, JayTon
Tucker, Elissa Dowling

Directed by: Ulli Lommel

Story: A young rookie cop and his team discover dismembered female bodies
in LA similar to the Black Dahlia cold case from 1947. A serial killer seems to
be copying the brutal massacre of 1940s Hollywood starlet Betty Short - The
Black Dahlia.



Review:

To cross out any confusion you may have, this isn't a review for the
theatrical release directed by Brian de Palma. This review is for the direct to
video adaptation of The Black Dahlia. The one directed by the guy that
brought us such horror classics (mind the sarcasm) as Zodiac Killer, B.T.K.
Killer and the Green River Killer. You notice a pattern here? Most of the stuff
that director Ulli Lommel has made lately have something to do with killers -
Real life killers at that. You know what else is funny? All of those movies suck
too. So I bet you're willing to guess where this movie falls. That's right, Black
Dahlia sucks as well. Just when I thought Uwe Boll was a bad director, this
guy makes Uwe look like a professional. We've seen quite a few adaptations
of the 'Black Dahlia' case, but this one is different. This one is a comedy than
a horror film. At least that's what I figured after watching it. You can't take
this movie seriously, it just isn't going to happen. Ulli Lommel's Black Dahlia
is goofy in every sense of the word. This one is more about a copy cat killer
who's imitating one of the most horrifying unsolved murders in American
history.

In the movie three copycat killers residing in Los Angeles go on a killing spree
fashioned after the Black Dahlia killing of 1947. After fooling actresses into
their warehouse for a movie audition, the trio kills them, leaving their
dismembered bodies around the city. Attempts to stop them are made by
the local police, especially one rookie who is determined to get to the bottom
of this killing spree, as well as the initial murder of Elizabeth Short that
happened 60 years prior. I should get straight to the point. I won't beat
around the bush with this one. The opening scene is more comedic than
anything. The acting is terrible and the editing is poor. That really sums up
most of the movie. The camera tricks get very irritating after the first few
flashes. What's even more annoying are the parts of the movie that run
slow. The slow motion tricks are unnecessary, which makes the movie even
more unbearable. The music feels misplaced for it just kills all hope for
suspense and thrill. The movie's score just doesn't belong. You'll feel like
you're watching a cheap porno. This should be a prime example of what NOT
to do when making a horror movie.

Wow, what else do I talk about? I've described most of the movie already.
Everything is wrong with this movie. I'm not bullshitting when I say that
either. There is nothing positive about The Black Dahlia. This movie is a
complete mess from start to finish. Everything from the acting to the music -
it's all bad. I've seen a lot of bad movies, but this one sucks so much that I
don't even want to call it a movie. I would call it an abomination but that word
wont do it justice either. The story is lame, the characters are lousy and it's
technically lousy. One of the main characters in the movie seems like a generic
rip-off of 'Baby' from House of 1000 Corpses. Needless to say the movie is
nothing but a joke. It's a disgrace to cinema and the genre of horror. It's no
surprise that director Ulli Lommel has brought us many other bad direct to
video horror films. This just continues his already bad reputation. I wouldn't
be surprised if Ulli Lommel and Uwe Boll are related somehow.

This version of The Black Dahlia just isn't worth watching. In fact it's not
even worth mentioning. It's that awful - writing a review for this is just a
waste of my time. I guess it's helpful in a way, I'm urging all of you reading
this review to stay away from this horrible piece of crap. It's not worth it
trust me, there's nothing to like about this movie. Everything about it is
negative. Positives don't even seem to exist, it's almost as if they made it
this way on purpose. It's silly, stupid and funny for all the wrong reasons.
This doesn't work as a horror film, you can't take anything in this movie
seriously. Do not spend any money on this, even if it's super cheap. Don't
rent it, don't buy it and don't borrow it from a friend (unless you want to die
a horrible and painful death). Even if you were to buy the DVD for one dollar
you'll still feel ripped off. This movie isn't worth a god damn thing. It
shouldn't even be allowed to exist. Just ignore it and pretend it's not there.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Overall: 1/10
Genres: Horror

Rated: Not Rated

Country: USA

Year: 2006

Runtime: 81 minutes

Studio: Lions Gate

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Review done by: Nightmare Child
Online since: February 20th, 2006
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