Genres: Horror

Unrated

Country: USA

Year: 2007

Runtime: 89 minutes

Studio: Weinstein
Company

IMDB Page

Amazon Page
Review done by:  Dark Allie
Online since: February 20th, 2006
Hosted by:  Yahoo!
Directed by: Scott Thomas

Starring: David Chisum, Kristen Kerr, Dale Midkiff, Sarah Laine

Synopsis: A turbulent flight to France turns into a bloody mess when
zombies attack the passengers and crew.



Review:

Anyone who is looking at the title of this film expecting to see a cinematic
masterpiece likely suffers from a mental deficit. Of course, anyone who
watches this film and sees a masterpiece is undoubtedly suffering from the
same. No, this is not a good movie we’re dealing with here by any stretch.
In fact, it is perhaps one of the worst-made movies I have ever seen. The
thing is, I was expecting no less than this when I opted to watch it. My
only stipulation was that it be so bad that I could elevate it to Ed Wood
status and thereby call it genius. So in a way, I suppose my very low
expectations were, in fact, high. Whoops. Imagine a world where a doctor
has found a way to manipulate the Malaria virus into something that can
resurrect the dead. What’s that, you say? Malaria isn’t even a virus, but is
actually a parasitic infection? Nevermind that. Just work with me here. So
consider that one of these experimental subjects is resting in a cryogenic
freezer in the cargo hold of a very large passenger jet bound for France.

As luck would have it, strong turbulence causes the freezer to malfunction
and the subject wakes up from her nocturnal slumber, only to discover
that she has an appetite for human flesh. And so the spread of the virus
commences. Anyone who is bitten becomes a creature that sounds like a
cross between a fax modem and a jackal caught in a barbed wire fence that
has a knack for finding people’s carotid arteries, even from the wrong side
of the neck. Aboard the plane are your classic “horror movie on a plane”
filler. We’ve got the horny jock teenagers, the sexy flight attendants in
short skirts, the token nun, and a fast-talking prisoner being escorted by a
Federal agent (who also happens to be the smartest guy on the plane,
which isn’t saying much). There are also the three doctors who are behind
the whole undead experiment who didn’t appear smart enough to
manipulate the cap off a bottle of Dasani, let alone manipulate Malaria to
bring people back to life.

Of course, maybe their first mistake was in thinking that Malaria was a
virus. It did occur to me that there were certain key issues about setting a
movie on an airplane in mid-flight that were complete non-entities in the
minds of the filmmakers. For instance, it’s usually not a good idea to fire an
automatic weapon in a cargo hold. Nor is it particularly brilliant to drop a
bomb that looked like it was fashioned in an episode of MacGyver: The
Twilight Years into said cargo hold to wipe out hordes of zombies. And I
also don’t want to expound on the whole “disrupting cabin pressure by
having zombies claw through the floor of the passenger compartment”
thing, because I don’t want to insult the vision of the director. Maybe he
thought none of us would notice such anomalies and would take refuge in
the quick wit and banter of the surviving passengers.

If only there were any. Take for instance this bit of dialog: Doctor:
“We had
no idea this experiment would get so out of control!”
Passenger: “Well your experiment is eating all of the passengers.”
Doctor: “I don’t have to listen to you, okay?” Ultimately, the “Living Dead”
formula is a vehicle that long ago ran out of gas on its own. The only way
that one can take it and make a compelling picture is to embellish it with
well-written dialog, a cast of characters we can even somewhat care about,
and perhaps add a bit of satire to the plot to indicate that the writer was
functioning with a plurality of brain cells. Unfortunately, “Flight of the Living
Dead” plays like the guy who is attempting to tell a very well-known knock-
knock joke, but keeps forgetting the punchline. Even if it wanted to be bad
on purpose, it failed miserably. It is instead a trite and tedious bore.


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Overall: 2/10
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