Genres: Action, Crime,
Horror, Thriller, Remake

Rated: R

Country: USA

Year: 2007

Runtime: 83 minutes

Studio: Rogue Pictures


Amazon Page
Review done by: Nightmare Child
Starring: Sean Bean, Sophia Bush, Zachary Knighton, Kyle Davis, Neal

Directed by: Dave Meyers

Story: A young couple driving across country becomes prey for a cunning
serial killer, who blames all of his murders on them.


It's a new year and the future is already looking grim for remakes. Don't you
just love it when things happen at random? Well I love it in comedies, not so
much in horror films. Especially the ones that try very hard to be serious. The
movie that I am reviewing for you today is just that. I'm sure there are a lot of
young folks out there reading this review. If so then I deeply appreciate it, but
most likely you'll just skip down to the last paragraph. I really don't blame you,
the review might just get long anyway. Just keep in mind that the juicy parts
will be somewhere in the middle. I don't understand it, but MTV and the folks
over at Platinum Dunes think that the kids today are less intelligent. To them
the young movie goers today get bored very easily, so they just throw in a
bunch of cheap scares and clichés and call it a horror film. Keep in mind that
this is the same team who brought us the Texas Chainsaw and Amityville
remakes. Both films have been heavily exposed on MTV. They both even
feature the hot new stars of today.

Whatever happened to the good old days of casting nobodies? That would help
boost the realism. Seeing a hot super model or WB star in a horror film just
doesn't cut it for me. I don't buy into MTV's garbage. Anyway, this isn't about
MTV, it's about 'The Hitcher'. You kids out there may not realize this, but the
Hitcher isn't anything new. This supposedly new thriller which stars Sean Bean
and Sophia Bush is actually a "re-imaging" of a classic (damn right I said classic)
thriller from 1986. I liked the original film, so I didn't know what to expect from
the remake. It's just a shame that these film companies don't use the word
remake as a marketing strategy. Oh well, it's not like they give credit to the
original films anyway. The story to the new Hitcher is pretty much the same as
the old one. Only the script has been tweaked to impress those with low
attention spans.

In the movie we follow a couple of college kids (go figure) as they are being
stalked and framed by a guy named John Ryder. Grace and Jim are heading
towards New Mexico for spring break. Grace wants to introduce her man to her
circle of friends. While driving on the dark and wet highway, Jim nearly runs
over a hitchhiker. Grace and Jim later stop at a gas station, and bump into John
Ryder, the man they nearly ran over. To show no hard feelings, Jim accepts
Ryder's offer to give him a ride to the nearest motel. They all get in the car and
head back on the highway. Things take a wild turn when John Ryder reveals
himself and threatens to hurt Grace with a knife. After a few minutes of dread,
Grace and Jim are successful by shoving Ryder out of the car. On the next day
the young couple encounter John Ryder again as he magically re-appears and
makes their lives a living hell.

Most people usually start having problems about half way into the movie. I had
a problem with the Hitcher from the very beginning. This movie barrows most
of the key ingredients from the original and offers nothing new. It's like taking
credit for someone else's work and giving nothing back in return. The Hitcher
was remade to give school girls the willies. The movie is directed by Dave
Meyers, who is most known for being a music video director. It makes perfect
sense since there is actually a music video in The Hitcher. You remember that
cool chase scene in the original where John Ryder shoots down all the cops?
Well that scene is in this remake in the form of a Nine Inch Nails music video.
The chase scene in this version is way too over the top and unrealistic. Very
little was changed in the story but so much was altered in the overall pace. The
original movie did such a great job in building up tension and suspense. This
film feels mild and has no soul. You'll only get a jolt from the cheap repetitive
pop up" scares.

Ironically enough the film's script was written by the same guy who wrote the
When A Stranger Calls remake. We all know how that one turned out, and the
Hitcher is no different. The dialog in the Hitcher remake is horrible. This is a
poorly written mainstream movie that's also much shorter than it's
predecessor. It's almost like they tried to make it perfect by changing a few
things from the original. One change I did like however was the opening on the
highway. It's much smarter than having a guy pick up a stranger just for the
hell of it. The way it happens here makes sense. It's just a shame that the
characters had to be brainless. Just when I thought the main character in the
original was dumb, the characters in this new adaptation are mentally
challenged. Grace and Jim make poor decisions all through out the entire film.
The characters were so stupid that I wanted to kill them myself (even the cops).

Like the original we follow two characters being chased by a madman. Only this
time we get both characters from the very beginning, which cuts off so much
tension that the original film had. This focus isn't on the guy this time. Instead
the main focus is on Grace Andrews (Sophia Bush), who has no problem
wearing a mini skirt through all the madness. I don't get it, in all of these new
remakes we have to watch a group of attractive (and usually pampered) actors
who go through hell. It's almost as if actors are chosen based on their looks
alone. Sophia Bush is not a good actress. She's only in this movie to look
good. I meant that literally by the way. It's almost like you're supposed to feel
sorry for her character because she has a nice body and shit for brains. Sophia
Bush is nothing but eye candy. Actually no, she's not just eye candy. Her
character also happens to be the hero. Yeah I didn't buy it either, seeing her
jump out of a burning truck (wonder woman style) and shooting a shotgun like
a professional was a waste of film.

This may be different for you but seeing attractive television stars in remakes
actually kill the realism. I don't want to see Tom Cruise being chased by a man
with a knife, I wont buy into it. One minute you see a celebrity on MTV (well you
may, I hate MTV) or the WB and the next minute you see them on a high
budgeted remake. Cast nobodies, hire some average joes, then I'll buy into
your crap. I don't want to see Jessica Beil running away from a retard with a
chainsaw, nor do I want to see Superman driving away from a supernatural fog.
The folks over at Platinum Dunes are just clueless. Okay, now I'm just ranting.
But I hope you get my point. This movie was ridiculous. If it were not for the
gore I would have given this movie a three out of ten. This movie is just
another one of those useless and unneeded remakes. It works more as a
spoof. I mean c'mon, cars don't just drop from the sky randomly. Let alone
that its only purpose was to keep the kids from sleeping.

To make things worse, they even show a scene from Alfred Hitchcock's The
Birds in the movie. This may be a sign that the company will remake that movie
next. Let's hope not, I'll pray to god herself that it doesn't happen. Wow, I'm
amazed as to how disgusted I am. I've been ranting this entire time. I usually
try to keep an open mind, but this is one of those times where I have to be
harsh. It's bad enough that so many people walked out of the movie theatre. I
would've walked out too, but I had to finish the movie. Bottom line, this movie
was horrible. The only great thing about it is Sean Bean. He's a creepy bastard,
but I still prefer him helping Frodo in Lord of the Rings. Those of you who
actually enjoyed the Hitcher remake, stay clear away from me. You're just apart
of the problem. Platinum Dunes and Michael Bay need to stop remaking horror
movies. I should have known better, I mean this was written by the same guy
who wrote the When A Stranger Calls remake. Jake Wade Wall, Michael Bay and
the entire MTV Generation need to get shot in the face.

Overall: 4/10
Online since: February 20th, 2006
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