Starring: Christopher Kriesa, Jürgen Prochnow, Dan van Husen, Mehmet Yilmaz,
Lisa Sachsenweger, Martina Ittenbach, Mariona Grundies
Directed by: Olaf Ittenbach
Story: A prison bus with over a dozen criminals on board has an accident and
rams another car. The escaped criminals take a doctor hostage and settle in a
house in the middle of the woods. The leader of the group, Arthur, emphasizes
that he will kill Douglas and every single member of the "family" if his wounded
brother would die. Meanwhile some members of the family show strange behavior,
and very soon mayhem breaks loose...
Alright, I have to get something off my chest. I've seen a lot of bad horror
movies. Some have potential, others are just down right horrible. This movie that
I'm reviewing for you today, House of Blood, is down right horrible. It's a
complete waste of time. I know I say the same thing about most direct to video
horror films, but all of them look spectacular compared to House of Blood. Trust
me, it's that bad. This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It could very well
be the worst horror film I've ever seen in my life. I wasted an hour and a half of
my time by giving this a chance. I know I can't get that time back, so I'll just keep
kicking myself. This is one of those movies you always glance at in the video
stores. It's usually the same; Neat cover, bad movie. That's how most direct to
video horror films are. You don't expect them to be great. I've had a few
surprises every now and then, but this isn't one of them. House of Blood takes
the cake as being my new least favorite.
The story goes like this; "A prison bus with over a dozen criminals on board has
an accident and rams another car, in which Dr. Douglas Madsen was on his way
home. Most of the prisoners die. Four of them survive, one of them severely
injured. After having killed all the guards, they head for the woods. They take Dr.
Douglas Madsen hostage. Suddenly a huge house appears in the middle of the
woods. The leader of the group, Arthur, emphasizes that he will kill Douglas and
every single member of the "family" if his wounded brother would die. Meanwhile
some members of the family show strange behavior, and very soon mayhem
breaks loose." In case you were wondering, I didn't write that synopsis.
Explaining the plot is almost as pointless as watching the movie itself.
House of Blood is just one giant mess. Everything from the acting to the
direction, it's very poor. I swear I even looked at the back of the DVD to see if it
was directed by Uwe Boll. Turns out he didn't, but he would be so proud. I had
an issue with just about everything. On top of that, the movie drags all the way
through. After the first 30 minutes I was waiting for it to end. The movie drags
greatly and the acting didn't seem to help one bit. The biggest flaw however is
the story itself and the direction it goes. The last half of the movie is so god
damn confusing. I must have dozed off and missed something important because
the last half of the movie didn't make any sense to me. In the first 40 or 50
minutes of the movie, you follow these escaped convicts who take a doctor
hostage in this huge cabin/house out in the middle of the woods.
Living in the house are a group of pilgrims (I just like to call them poor people).
The convicts take everyone inside hostage, and before you know it the poor
people start turning into blood thirsty demons. I won't even begin to start
describing the demons, it's just so poorly done. The demons then turn the place
into a madhouse where they start eating all the humans. The only one to escape
is the doctor. Guess what happens to the doctor? He goes to prison. Here's the
good part, you'll love this. Everything that I described to you just now, happens
all over again in the second half of the movie. It's one of those full circle things
where history just repeats itself, only in the second half of the movie you follow
different characters. They go through the same fate anyway, so it's pretty
apparent that the writer wanted you to suffer.
I'll be honest, I wanted to fast forward some of it. That's how much it drags. By
the time the movie ended, I was lost. I had no clue what I just watched. The
story loses itself in the second half. So that's it, the movie sucks, end of story.
House of Blood will make you feel like a cheap whore with no towel. I'd rather cut
myself than watch this movie again. I'm not kidding either, I haven't been
anymore serious about a movie. House of Blood is BEYOND bad. This is one that
I highly recommend avoiding. Stay away from it please I beg you. Don't even give
it a thought, just pretend that House of Blood doesn't exist. I would give this
movie a one rating, but that would be too harsh. This really isn't the worst movie
in the world, but it's just one of the many. So I'm giving it a 2 out of ten, for the
decent gore and effort. Somebody please kill me now.
Runtime: 105 minutes
Studio: Lions Gate
Review done by: Nightmare Child
Online since: February 20th, 2006