Genres: Horror

Rated: R

Country: USA

Year: 2004

Runtime: 81 minutes

Studio: Working Poor
Productions

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Review done by: Jonny Cage
Online since: February 20th, 2006
Hosted by:  Yahoo!
Director: Ulli Lommel

Actors: Günther Ziegler, Brandon Dean, Axel Montgomery, Phil Lander,
Martina Bottesch, Szilvi Naray-Davey, Karen Maxwell, Naidra Dawn Thomson,
Victoria Ullmann

Synopsis: We set out to make a crappy zombie movie, a "C" movie if you
will, but do to complete lack of skill or talent the movie was never completed,
but the journey was documented. This is the true story of a "C" movie two
and a half years in the making.



Review:

Joe Singer, a cop with a mean streak a mile wide and a past that would make
Chuck Manson bust a nut, is on a kidnapping, murderous rampage of
beautiful young women. Joe’s partner Vitalio, a stupid rookie, tells one of the
other stupid rookies about Joe’s shady pullovers and the fact that after
taking them into custody he takes them to some warehouse and makes
Vitalio wait outside. Now under internal investigation, Officer Singer is relived
of his duties (hehehe…duties). Joe’s luck gets even worse when the five
women he kidnapped and murdered come back from the dead to seek their
revenge. Thanks to some buxom blonde named Holly who decided to use the
one great idea she’d ever have, and a bunch of Miss Cleo wannabees, all five
girls are now out on the hunt for the man that ended their natural life; but
not before putting their collective thoughts together, which in my opinion
amounted to the weight of that righteous B.M.

I had last week, and coming up with the convoluted idea of a nation
comprised strictly of zombies and becoming cops themselves. Can he escape
a horde of flesh-hungry fuzzies, or will this be the end of Joe Singer? Judging
by the synopsis, I take it that you have already figured out my thoughts on
this movie. This is just another example of my reason for starting this
website: to keep good people from seeing bad movies. Wow…I like that little
saying. I might just start using that. Anyway, if for some reason you actually
decide to spend the time watching this…this…well crap is the only word that
comes to mind, then I suggest you call up a good friend (not just any friend,
a good friend will actually do this for you) and have them bring over a home
enema kit (buy it from Costco, they’re cheap…or so I hear) and have a party!
From what I got out of this story besides a headache and an itchy balloon-
knot, is the fact that this Mr. Lommel did not really think this movie all the
way through.

The story was one of the worst I’ve ever seen since I started in this biz. It
was empty, slow, mindless, and altogether numbing. There was no
explanation as to the origin of the “zombies” or even the premise behind
them. Those crazy voodoo chicks just said some mumbo-jumbo made some
chick drink some blood that was dripping out of a decapitated pig’s head and
bam…zombies. Yeah, real compelling…asshole! The acting and script were of a
worse demeanor. I haven’t seen anything that bad that was supposed to
actually be good since Death Row (2007). I’m actually amazed that anyone
would even consider this for production. And I’m even more taken back by
the fact that once production ceased and the film was ready to be printed,
the editor, who must watch and pay careful attention to the movie, didn’t get
up from his Lazy-Boy, walk into the director and producer’s office
respectively, and kick them square in the jimmy.

If it were me, I would have charged the set and electro-shocked everybody.
The gore was just as bad. I’m actually having trouble describing it, it was so
bad. I think, given a modest budget, some Silly Puddy, some duct tape, and
a few pounds of mac’ and cheese from KFC (‘cause that stuff really sticks to
the ribs), an epileptic could do a better job (for anyone out there who is
epileptic…I’m sorry for having compared you to anyone associated with this
movie). The only thing I liked about this movie were Singer’s flashbacks to his
childhood as a mentally and physically abused son of a psychotic mental
institution owner. That’s it. So, I have to give credit were it’s due…but I
guess that’s it. To sum up; just don’t watch this movie…I’ve warned you.


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Overall: 1/10
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