Not-so-scary horror movie considering it’s too late to make your dreams come true


Freshman Samuel Jonas announced a few minutes ago that while it was quite scary, “The Witch” just couldn’t conjure up the same silent terror that the idea that he had already missed his mark. chance to make his dreams come true.

“Yeah, this movie is a little scary, but I just don’t have the same crippling dread but also panic that I feel when I consider the possibility that I’ve already wasted all my opportunities to find contentment in my life. Jonas said, slowly liquefying on a crowded couch.

Jonas, who arrived at Halloween movie night in an undersized hot dog costume, reportedly spent the last few minutes explaining to his two neighbors that “Director Robert Eggers really got the tone and atmosphere under control, but he just can’t compete with insidious whispers. of my own subconscious telling me it’s already too late for me.

Stretching across the table to grab a bar of chocolate, Jonas reported that the attention to detail in the film setting was immersive, but ultimately failed to make the experience as present and imminent. that the potential that his future was already filled with a predetermined gloom.

“When I consider that no matter what I do from now on I might not be able to reach a point where I’m happy with what I’ve accomplished, this movie honestly feels pretty light,” said Jonas, adding that he often felt like he had lost control of his life for a long time.

As of press time, Jonas reported that his fear of not being able to fulfill his dreams was largely overshadowed by his fear of clowns.

This is a satirical article written for entertainment purposes only.

Contact Allen Chen at [email protected].

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